Project Management Jokes
Posted on February 3, 2010
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Project Management Jokes
Here are few jokes and humorous quotations that can be applied in various stages while managing the project.
Project Stakeholders
A task is one little step for the task sponsor, one monster leap for the task manager
Nothing is unrealistic for the individual who doesn’t have to do it.
Project Planning
It takes one woman nine months to have a baby. It will not be finished in one month by impregnating nine women
At the heart of every large task is a little task endeavoring to get out.
A awfully designed task will take three times longer than anticipated – a well designed task only two times as long as expected.
If you don’t design, it doesn’t work. If you do design, it doesn’t work either. Why plan!
The pleasant thing about not designing is that malfunction arrives as a entire shock other than being preceded by a time span of concern and depression.
Project Team
Everyone inquires for a powerful task supervisor – when they get them they don’t desire them
If you’re 6 months late on a milestone due next week but actually accept as factual you can make it, you’re a task manager.
There are none nice project executives – alone lucky ones.
Project Communication
The task would not have been begun if the reality had been notified about the cost and timescale.
Good task administration is not so much understanding what to do and when, as understanding what apologizes to give and when.
Of some likely interpretations of a connection, the smallest befitting is the correct one.
I understand that you accept as factual that you realize what you believe I said, but I am not certain you recognize that what you perceived is not what I meant.
What is not theoretically has not been said.
A client will notify you anything you inquire about, but not anything more.
Timing
You can deceive a sucker into committing to an unrealistic deadline, but you will not deceive him into gathering it.
A two year task will take three years, a three year task will not ever finish.
The earlier you get behind agenda, the more time you have to make it up.
A task gets a year late one day at a time.
The earlier you start cipher the subsequent you finish.
Some tasks complete on time in spite of task administration best practices.
The acrimony of poor value lasts long after the sweetness of making a designated day is forgotten.
Measurement and Control
Good command discloses difficulties early – which only signify you’ll have longer to concern about them.
Quantitative task administration is for forecasting cost and agenda overruns well in advance.
No task has ever completed on time, inside allowance, to obligation – yours won’t be the first to.
Metrics are wise men’s excuses.
Warning: designated days in a calendar are nearer than they emerge to be.
Project Implementation
If you don’t understand how to do a task, start it, then 10 persons who understand less than you will notify you how to do it.
There is no such thing as scope steal, only scope fly.
The more despairing the position the more hopeful the situatee.
A little risk administration keeps many of followers cleaning.
Change Management
Anything that can be altered will be altered until there is no time left to change anything
Feather and down are padding, alterations and contingencies will be genuine events.
A change freeze is like the abominable snowman: it is a myth and would anyhow dissolve when heat is applied.
Delivering Results
Fast – bargain – good – you can have any two.
There’s not ever sufficient time to do it right first time but there’s habitually sufficient time to proceed back and do it again.
If everything is going precisely to design, certain thing somewhere is going hugely wrong
Project Reports
If at the start you don’t do well, eliminate all clues you ever tried
When the weight of the project paperwork becomes identical to the weight of the project itself, the task of the project can be considered to be completed.
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